Think about your own take on this... Take a deep dive into the “4 Forces”: frustrations, fears, wants, and aspirations. On the surface, they sound like marketing concepts or perhaps tools for understanding customer behavior. But they are something far richer— something more human.

What strikes me is how these forces aren't just about the clients we have. They’re about us, too. They help us speak more clearly, connect more deeply, and even understand ourselves more honestly. Good questions centered around the 4 forces can help anyone speak more deeply to another person - building better relationships.

The 4 Forces operate on a spectrum. Think of a graph with an x and a y axis (and they said we wouldn't use any high school math. lol.) At the top is NOW and at the bottom is FUTURE, and on the left is PAIN and on the right is PLEASURE. 

We make decisions based primarily on avoiding pain and seeking pleasure. And we think about things in terms on now and the future. If we want to avoid pain now, we are experiencing a "frustration". If we want to avoid pain in the future we are experiencing "fear". If we seek a pleasure now we have a "want", and if we seek pleasure in the future we have an "aspiration".

Fear, in particular, sparked a powerful reflection for me. Often, we don’t even realize we’re afraid of something. It hides in plain sight. We just… avoid it. We change the subject, delay the decision, lash out without knowing why, or we build walls to protect ourselves from what we haven't yet named. That’s the hidden cost of unspoken fear. Isn't it worth exploring the 4 Forces and finding out what people are feeling?

I once had a sales conversation where the prospect kept dodging the money topic. I thought they just weren’t ready. Later I found out they had been burned by a business coach before — spent thousands and got nothing. Their fear wasn’t about me, it was about getting hurt again. If I had asked better questions to uncover that fear, I could’ve addressed it and built trust. Instead, I lost the sale — not because the value wasn’t there, but because I never got to the real concern.

When we apply the 4 Forces — especially in a moment of tension or resistance — we begin to see things differently. Maybe the frustration we feel isn’t about someone else, but about a misalignment inside us. Maybe a want we’ve been chasing is masking a deeper aspiration we haven’t yet dared to voice.

I had a friend in real estate who couldn’t close a deal with a high-net-worth client. Everything seemed right: location, price, potential ROI. But the client kept stalling. Eventually, the client admitted he had lost big during the 2008 crash — and was terrified of repeating that mistake. My friend realized he wasn’t selling property — he was selling security. Once he reframed the deal that way, the client signed the next week.

This framework doesn't just give us tools to guide others; it gives us permission to listen inward. It gives us access to the stuff we usually leave unspoken. And in business, leadership, and life, being able to articulate what we’re really feeling — what our clients are really feeling — is where the breakthroughs begin.