If I make you feel uncomfortable... know that that has nothing to do with me. I am very kind, strict but fair, smart, helpful etc. If you met me, it wouldn't occur to you to think negatively about me. People are more likely to find me "too nice" than negative in any way.

But you have made your world so small, that you experience the smallest things negatively, that the smallest things pull you out of your comfort zone. Looking at yourself and your own behavior is uncomfortable at first. It is understandable that you would prefer to avoid that and that you then react negatively to avoid it. That you are ashamed and say negative things to me to avoid the feeling. I see you, I know exactly why you react like that. It's understandable and okay. Become aware of it and do something about it.

It has nothing to do with me, but with you. It's in you. You are insecure.
It's a sign that you need to work on yourself, that you need to enlarge your world, that you need to do more, say more, be more open to things again. It's a sign that you need to improve yourself and your communication skills.

That are just basic skills. I teach various courses related to personal and social skills. The course/practical guidance is very flexible, adapted to what you need and only 1-2 hours, when you want.

Give it a try. https://kaiehuset.no/